Managing online identities

I have been visiting and re-visiting the issue of online identities for a while now. I want to de-construct my view and see if I could make a coherent argument for my position.
There has been a flurry of conversations and debates online on Design Observer and NYT about anonymity and pseudo-online personalities. I'm still exploring what it all means and trying to make some sense of it, but here's where I stand for now.

Here's what I reason
- People like me who are so careful about their online identities are driven by fear. Although I should point out that while fear maybe the underlying factor, it is not fueled by the fear to 'hide something," but instead 'to protect."

I strongly believe that at the very core, our online behavior mimicks our offline behavior (bar some of the advantages afforded on the net, mainly - anonymity) So like we do in our offline lives, our online lives exist in various contexts and circles. Professional, Family, Friends, Other -- sometimes those worlds overlap, sometimes they do not. To cite from personal example, my boss at the bank added me on facebook while I was in the midst of a job search. POKE found me on facebook in response to a post I had on a facebook group which was easily searchable if anyone were to follow my mini-feed or simply browsing through the groups I am a member of. I was in a dilemma because I very well couldn't refuse my boss but how was I to accept his request with my private moves out open in the public? My wall-posts that referred to my move to NYC had to be deleted - I had to inform my friends in the know to communicate using alternate means.

Another example - when facebook opened it's doors to the public, my cousins, family members and other folks from India surged on facebook and eagerly added me as a friend. Now this was a real problem - because contextually, my cultural upbringing questioned whether my relatives and family members should be privy to conversations (on my wall) between me and my friends. With my background, there was no way these two worlds could co-exist mutually on a singular online platform. Photos, relationship status-es, Wall posts, the innocent and honest banter on the walls -- everything would be subject to scrutiny. And again, denying these members was out of question.

And lastly - when everyone started adding each other on facebook, I was in a daze. The change was abrupt and fast. I could remember thinking how two months back, facebook being about me and my close friends. And now suddenly, I had lost the context for facebook and what it meant for me.

*I think opinions of those who are relatively new to facebook may differ here since their knowledge about facebook's environments is limited to the time they have been a member of the network.

But people like me struggled - wondering if it was rude to deny requests? who is a friend? what constitutes a friend? Also, in a professional world, how do you strictly keep your relationships such but still strong enough to allow them to grow? Again, in a field where most jobs happen via networking, I was less inclined to deny those connections.

The answer was plain and simple - private profiles for 'friends." and the real profile for friends. Until I can trust the 'friends,' - there's no reason why they should be privy to what my friends deserve and get out of me. It is a pain to manage that yes - but that is facebook's fault, not mine. I am an ordinary individual and I'm sure there are plenty of folks like me who feel this way. So facebook should make it easier for people like us to use the facebook platform and satisfy the various contexts we exist in. It's really a simple UI issue I think. And I can guarantee you, in the future facebook will make this possible. It's a fine balance.

Like I said, I don't have answers but I think I know what motivates the desire to maintain and actively manage your online identity. It's an oxymoron - because ofcourse, you want to be found when someone googles you. And professionally for me, I should be found on the various sites (twitter, iminlikewithyou, 43things, flickr, orkut, friendster.....etc. etc) if someone searches for me there, simply because how can I claim to understand social media without deep-diving into it myself? So yes, I want to be found - but I want to be careful about what's found about me. Atleast to the level where it can be controlled by me.

Comments

[vat]

so so true.
I had the same thing goin on, but the "limited profile" feature on facebook is quite slick..
lets you control which people see what part of your profile..

check it out

[Ronald]

I totally agree on your standpoint that you should actively manage your online identity. In that light it might interest you that I just launched a service that enables you to be found through search engines the way you want by making a personal website. It is really geared towards people who don't have a big online existence yet and start to feel an increased need to be found and control their identity. I use it as a tool to unite all the different aspects of me online (Flickr photo's, blog, etc.) in one page so to give people a coherent view of who I am.